STOP MAKING EXCUSES

Want to know one of the biggest things getting in the way of creating that epic, kick-ass life you deserve???

Excuses.

I’m not talking about those trivial little excuses you use when you need to get out of jury duty, get caught cheating on your taxes, or forget to change your underwear (albeit the government and your wife might not find them as trivial as I do).

I specifically mean those big life-paralyzing excuses that keep you from doing the shit you really want to do and living the life you really want to live.

Those excuses (and you and I know that is exactly what they are) that are preventing you from…

• taking the chances you know you need to take in order to get the life you want. Change is a bitch. Taking risks can be scary. Add some fear and mix them together and it can feel like you are waist deep in quicksand. But you can’t steal second base by keeping one foot on first. Taking chances just comes with the territory when you are moving forward in life. Embrace that fact and don’t let excuses prevent you from taking risks because the real risk is doing nothing at all.
• starting your “but” business. The business you know you should start but(insert lame-ass excuse or excuses here). You know the one that would be totally fuckin’ awesome but…or the one that sounds really silly or completely batshit crazy (or both) but…or the one that would change the world but…yep that one.
• finding a job or career that you really love. You know the one that probably isn’t the one Mommy and Daddy wanted you to do. Or isn’t the one that would really make you look like King Shit in front of your friends. Or the one that you are “supposed” to be doing (for whatever stupid reason). Or even the one that “pays really well and has good benefits but I fucking hate it”. I don’t mean those. I mean the one that would really fire you up and would probably make you happier than being first on the list for the next release of 23-year Pappy Van Winkle (despite that overwhelming feeling of let down and lack of dental insurance).
• getting healthy and into great shape. So you don’t stroke out early in life and miss the good shit just because you are “allergic” to burpees and thought Big Macs were part of your Keto diet. Being in good shape is a must because once it changes for the worse it can be a game changer.
• taking that crazy trip to that crazy place that you have always wanted to take. In my opinion, travel is an absolute necessity when comes to learning how to play this wicked little game we call Life. The different perspectives you gain by experiencing new people, cultures, etc. are invaluable for figuring shit out. So if you want to travel to Japan to train to be a Sumo wrestler or get your ass kicked Muay Thai style in Thailand or “educate” yourself about the world of Cannabis in Amsterdam then don’t let lame-ass excuses get in the way.
• anything else related to following your dreams. So that when it is time to check out you won’t bitching about all the shit you didn’t do when you were full of piss and vinegar. Seldom do you regret the shit that you decide to do (even if you failed) but most regret those things that they never had the balls to try.

All of these things and anything else you can think of that qualifies as really important shit that makes life worth living.

So, don’t you think it’s time to stop making excuses that are preventing you from creating and living the life you want and deserve?

Success and Lame-Ass Excuses

The correlation between having success (by your own definition…not mine) and getting what we want out of life and the ability to NOT make lame-ass excuses is pretty close to perfect.

Truth be told people who are now successful could, and usually have in the past, made the same excuses as the person who is struggling.

But now they don’t.

They learned how to stop making excuses because they have a new understanding of the problem.

You see these people understand that it won’t be a walk in the park to get or do what they want.

They understand that obstacles will get in their way and they will need to find a way under, around or through them in order to create a life that fires them up.

They realize that getting exactly what they want out of life and lame-ass excuses can’t coexist.

So, they learned how to STOP MAKING EXCUSES.

Take a look around at the successful (again by your definition) people you know.

Do you know them as the people who are always making up excuses?

Are they the ones that are always coming up with reasons why they can’t make shit happen or why bad shit always happens to them?

Fat chance Skippy.

A MINDSET SHIFT TO PREVENT EXCUSE MAKING

As a matter of fact, you probably know them more as the person who is always getting shit done NO MATTER WHAT.

You probably don’t even know about their setbacks or struggles.

This is because they have what I call a “Hell or High Water” mindset.

This is the mindset that takes responsibility to do whatever it takes to get exactly what you want.

They learned to stop making excuses…so much so that they aren’t even a consideration.

The more I talk to, study and coach people who are getting exactly what they want out of life the more I recognize something very interesting.

I realize that this mindset and the lack of lame-ass excuses (bullshit reasons) that comes with it is definitely a key for designing a kick-ass life that you love.

But, Why Do We Make Excuses In The First Place?

Maybe if we know HOW we make them we can earn how to STOP making excuses.

So, where do excuses come from?

Well we humans are actually really good at a little thing called self -sabotage.

We have a knack for coming up with ways to limit our own capabilities through what psychologists call “self-handicapping” (behavior that hurts or own performance and motivation).

But, why do we do this?

Why would we actually do something that could (and often does) get in the way of something we truly want?

I won’t go getting all Freudian on you but in short…it’s to save face.

To save face with others and ourselves.

When things aren’t going our way we use excuses to shift the blame from something under our control (ourselves) to some external factor that is much less under or completely out of our control to get ourselves off the hook.

When people want to know how we are doing in any area of our lives (school, business, careers, relationships, health/fitness) we think to ourselves…

“I am not as successful as I should be and these fuckers are on to me! What can I say to justify my pitiful existence?” (maybe this is a bit harsh..or is it?).

So instead of telling the truth, we come up with something that will protect us from looking like an ass clown and the shame, embarrassment, and anxiety that is sure to follow.

Our list of (lame-ass) excuses is endless…

I’m too damn old. I can’t afford it. I don’t have enough time. I can’t raise capital. I’m not an expert. I’m married with 18 kids now. I’m feeling under the weather. The market isn’t good. I’m not smart enough to do that. It’s too cold outside. I don’t know the right people. I travel too much. I don’t look good in spandex.

You get the point.

WHEN EXCUSES BECOME THE NORM

We try a few of these excuses out to see how they feel and what kind of response and reaction they receive.

Some of them bomb in spectacular fashion (Squirrel bite? Really?) but most of them let us squeak by just enough to take the heat off…at least momentarily.

But then you find your “ace in the hole”.

That one holy-shit-this-actually-works excuse that “justifies” your lack of that lets you actually escape the onslaught of judgment and criticism from those nosy assholes who are all up in your business.

The one that works like a charm and not only sounds legit but it actually makes you feel good, relieved and hell even…vindicated!

Then the vicious cycle begins.

It becomes easier and easier to use this excuse whenever and wherever you need it.

It becomes so easy that you are actually proud to pull it out and show it off like it was a fuckin’ brand new Labradoodle you got for Christmas.

And the worse part? (besides someone gifting you and you now owning a Labradoodle)…

The more comfortable you become showing off your half-lab, half-poodle (using your excuse) to shelter you from the boogeyman (the negative feelings and feedback) the more it tends to stick around.

Then the more you use your ego shielding excuse the more those words and thoughts become reality as they move deeper and deeper into your subconscious mind.

And the deeper they go the more you believe it.

The more you believe it the more habitual it becomes.

Now that cycle continues and it becomes a chronic condition, like that stubborn STD you had in college, and unless you do something about it…

You’re fucked!

So how do we avoid the Labradoodle with herpes (stop making excuses)?

How do we break the vicious cycle of excuses?

Better said…how do we stop making excuses by changing this subconscious loop with conscious behavior?

I am not a world famous psychologist (or even play one on TV) but I can share with you a few tips.

Here are a few of the questions I ask myself and things that I do INTENTIONALLY to help me combat my excuse making…and I hope they will help you.

1. Identify the real fear hiding behind your excuse — what are you really afraid of? Be honest. Are you afraid to fail? To Succeed? To lose a lot of money? That people will laugh at you? Identify and really come to grips with the fear hiding behind your excuses. Once you do you can analyze it, put into perspective and find ways to defeat it.
2. Have the right mindset — The saying to so true. “Whether you think you can, or think you can’t…you’re right.” We have the very bad tendency to always think of the god-awful terrible things that will happen if things go wrong instead of all the kickass amazing shit that will happen if things go right. It’s natural but do you see the problem? We are starting out with the wrong mindset. We are starting with the worst case or the “I don’t think I can so what will happen to me when I don’t” scenario. Instead, start off by thinking that you can and will succeed. Think of what that ultimate version of success looks like in this case. Paint a very detailed picture in your mind and keep it front and center. Keep thinking about and building on this picture you have of succeeding. This will prevent self-doubt from entering into the equation and help keep the positive mindset you need to stop making excuses that keep you stuck.
3. Control the way you think — You are in control of your thoughts. This applies to the past and the future. Focus on the positive and eliminate the negative. As simple and cliché as this may sound it is a very powerful way to keep yourself in the right mindset. Only input and pull from the positive. Think of all the things that are good or great in your life. Count your blessings. Only think of great outcomes. We all have plenty of shit in our lives to be thankful for but we seldom acknowledge them. Make the effort to remember and highlight the good out of any experience. Eliminate the negative at all costs. Avoid self-critical thoughts that turn into mental monsters. Don’t dwell on them or take them to bed with you. Left to run wild these thoughts can create worry and feelings of unworthiness and inferiority that will destroy your confidence.
4. Do shit that matters — the old saying goes “If it is important to you, you will find a way. If not you will find an excuse”. Having a strong enough reason why (mission or purpose) keeps me focused and moving forward. If what I am working on or dealing with really doesn’t matter then I find the excuses come easier. The more important shit that I work on does the opposite. Since it has more meaning to me I find a way to get it done and to keep moving forward.
5. Discover your Superpowers — knowing, understanding and owning what you are naturally good at builds confidence. The more confident you are the better you are at punching fear in the throat when it shows up. Once fear becomes your bitch it’s a lot easier to keep it at bay and avoid the need for lame-ass excuses.
6. Never underestimate yourself or your abilities — once you identify your Superpowers keep them front and center and constantly remind yourself of how much of a badass you really are. And remember…your badassness (yes I made that up) is not the same as everyone else’s so don’t underestimate it. If you end up thinking that you have nothing special to bring to the table then self-doubt creeps in and it eats away at your confidence until you end up stalling. The lack of forward momentum is a breeding ground for lame-ass excuses.
7. Come up with different and/or better ways to do shit — one of the ways to stop making excuses is to avoid losing momentum or stalling. When we lose momentum it’s usually because we are stuck on a problem that we can’t figure out. These problems are everywhere and we all get stuck at some point. Getting stuck is ok but staying stuck is the real enemy. To avoid the “the-stall-then-excuse” cycle we need to put that organ of soft tissue between our ears to work. We need to use our mind to come up with new and innovative ways to get shit done. You are a very smart cookie I’m sure so you can’t just sit back and roll over on your back when something comes up that you don’t know how to do. You need to figure it out! Don’t underestimate the real power behind this. When you buckle down and think your way through the obstacle that is stopping your forward momentum your confidence soars. So how do you figure it out? Start by looking at your “problem” from different angles. There are lots of ways to unlock a vast array of creative solutions to your problem. I facilitate and teach workshops on creativity and innovation and one of the most powerful ways that I have seen to do this is to use the power of reframing. Start there to make sure you are solving the right problem. From there you can start moving ahead and whatever you do…avoid staying stuck at all costs!
8. Ask for help when you need it — this one took me a long time to figure out. Sometimes when you are stuck (and fearful) it is simply because you don’t know what to do next. But instead of reaching out for help we sit there. We analyze. We overthink. But ultimately we do nothing. This stalls our progress and increases our doubt. We then start to wonder if we are on the right track and doing the right thing. When you feel stuck try this instead. Try reaching out to someone who may have an answer for you. A friend or family member. A coach or mentor. There are plenty of helpful people in your network that are willing to help you out…if only they knew you were stuck. Look to them for answers or ideas that will help you get unstuck. If they don’t have any then they probably know someone who does. It is a lot easier to do this (as hard as it may be the first few times) instead of having to regain your momentum once it stalls.

So this long-ass article basically boils down to this…

Do Shit That Matters. Stop making excuses. Have Balls. Control your mind and thoughts like a Jedi Master. Find Your Superpowers and remember that you’re a Badass. Punch Fear in the throat. Figure shit out and ask for help. Live an awesome fuckin’ life.

That is all.