I HATE small talk.

Especially the type that comes with the territory at those bullshit, self-centered masquerade parties (better known as Meetups, mixers and “networking events”).

You know the routine.

You show up at the event, go through the motions, have this useless, mind-numbing small talk, and act the way you think you should act in hopes that you make a good “first impression”, just to gain some business.

Kill. Me. Now.

These superficial conversations are about the furthest thing away from who you (or they) really are, what you care about and what is really driving you.

And the worst part?

Most of the time, these shallow attempts to “feel each other out” lead us absolutely nowhere.

After “connecting” with these people we leave the event with nothing more than an energy level that’s near zero and a few lame ass business cards that were shoved in our face.

What’s the point?

Now to be fair, on occasion, I would actually have an intelligent, meaningful and enjoyable conversation with someone at one of these god-awful events.

And you know what?

After reflecting back on these conversations I realized that they made the strongest connections.

But the problem was that these conversations were as rare as a three-legged unicorn (that’s pretty damn rare BTW).

Truth be told, they were so rare, and I was so sick and tired of the small talk routine, that I stopped going to events for a few months.

But after awhile, I realized that I still wanted and needed to make connections…I just needed a  better way to do it.

But how?

How could I INTENTIONALLY have these better conversations, the ones that ultimately lead to stronger connections, quicker?

I thought about it for awhile, put my creative and innovative strategic superpowers to work, and here is what I came up with…

FUCK THE SMALL TALK.

I know. Elegant solution right?

What does it even mean?

In short, it means skipping the bullshit and getting to the real shit.

Maybe not right out of the gate when you meet someone, but when the time is right.

You see, one of the things that I noticed from the conversations that created better connections for me was that they lacked the bullshit small talk and focused on some real (deeper) shit. 

We quickly got past the trivial stuff and got to the real stuff and the relationships developed faster because of it.

A situation came up last week that reminded me of this, so I wanted to put my new strategy to the test.

Here is how it played out…

I met one guy at one of those events (the god-awful type) while talking to a friend of mine.

He happened to walk by and recognized my friend who ultimately introduced us.

No big deal, and after a few minutes of traditional bullshit small talk, he went on his way.

I then saw my new “friend” (who seemed like a cool guy) a few more times over the next few weeks. 

Each time we did the always manly fist bump greeting, exchanged more bullshit small talk, and then went on our separate ways.

I realized that our “connection” wasn’t really getting past the “acquaintance” level.

But then I one day I saw my opportunity.

I saw him at the gym and we stood by the juice bar shooting the shit.

We talked about our workouts for a bit and then he asked me what kind of work I do.

I explained a little bit about what I do and then said…

“Sooooooo…what are you FIRED UP about right now?”

He looked at me for a second trying to comprehend the reason I didn’t ask him what he did for work.

“Wha…What’s that?” he said, with a weird, small smile on his face.

“I mean what are you most excited about right now?”

After a few seconds of letting the question settle a little deeper into his mind he said, “Well, I do have this thing I am working on that is pretty cool”.

“Oh really? Tell me about that”.

And that’s when the whole relationship changed. Right then. Right there.

The mask came off and the guard went down.

He instantly became more animated, and his smile grew bigger and bigger, as he began to tell me about his new project (that he obviously was super jazzed up about).

I gave him my full attention and listened as he went on and on for a few minutes.

I told how awesome his project sounded (the truth) and offered to help him out in any way that I could (also the truth).

We exchanged numbers and planned another get together to hash out some details.

As he left he said, “Hey man, thanks for the conversation…that was cool.”

I went deep. And it worked.

After this one conversation our connection became MUCH stronger and our relationship MUCH deeper.

And just to be clear this is not a disingenuous tactic or hack or some funky NLP thing.

I genuinely give a shit.

I just want to skip the bullshit and get to the important (deep) stuff quicker.

FUCK THE SMALL TALK.

Try it (when the time is right) and watch how your connections respond.

Thank me later.